Losing Your Familiar

There are families that don’t care to have animals, or some that do and don’t hold them in high regard. Then there are some families/people who do have pets and build them a status that is beyond a pet, but a member of their family.

We all have that one fury family member that we feel closest to, and the hardest part of having that extended family member is knowing that they do not live as long as us.

I had lost my familiar on July 13th, my mother calling me in the morning letting me know that my dearest dog, Lola, had died. I remember my initial reaction, first it was shock followed by hysteria, not wanting to believe this news. She was a beautiful, healthy and most loyal pet I ever had, we shared a platonic relationship, and she was my familiar. Trust me, it was hard, and today I still don’t believe it in some manner, but seeing videos of dogs being reunited with their owners, tails wagging, cooing and whining, it brings tears to me instantly, because I know… Lola will no longer do this when I go visit my mom and dad. It’s taken me over a week just to write this, and I’m tearing up already…

There is never an easy way to grief, pets are members of the family we get to choose to stay by our side, cuddle with when we are sad and always there for us to make us feel safe and happy.

I have Lola’s collar that I gave to her last Christmas, after going through a hard breakup, I remember Lola comforting me, she knew I was sad and ensured I was at least comfortable with her on the couch. I found the collar while shopping, wrapped it up and opened it for her on Xmas morning. Obviously she was just happy that I was by her side more than the style of collar I got her. That’s my baby girl for you, my darling Lola

The following night when Lola passed, I took her collar and placed it on the passenger side of my car and drove around aimlessly (car rides was our thing besides many others) … I finally pulled over when my friend called and I just started balling… she then said to me something that was heart breaking truth...

“We choose to accept the most positive and loving being in our lives, only to experience the opposite of these emotions every 10 years or so when then, they leave to go to the rainbow bridge.”

Which… is true, my first dog was Lady, I got her when I was 7 years old on Easter, and she lived to be 19. Over the years we had a few other dogs, and I loved them all, but Lola was something else that no other dog can replace in my heart.

Losing a familiar is hard, because even though we have them as an external bundle of love and protection, it breaks our hearts that we cannot prolong their life as much as ours. When we come home and there is no one to greet us like they did, sitting by your side at dinner looking at you like you’re their world… and also want your food scraps. None the less, it hurts, it really hurts to lose a member of the family that never judged, held a grudge or betrayed you in anyway, unlike humans.

There will always be the small things that will remind you of your familiar, and yes, it is OK to cry and feel caught off guard. There are some people who don’t empathize and just say “it was just a pet.” Fuck those guys, your animal was your connection to the purest form of Mother Nature without needing to have the same language to communicate, you both just knew each other and loved each other dearly.

After reading this, if you have a familiar, go and pet them, give them a kiss, take them for a car ride or a walk and tell them what they mean to you. You should be doing this every day… Lola was taken from me unexpectedly, she had another good 5 years to live… but now she’s gone. But not forgotten, far from it. That’s the hardest part, knowing she was taken from me so soon and I was not by her side when she passed. It hurts…

To sum up this article, here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to losing a familiar.

· Cry it out, doesn’t matter how old you are or your gender, if you want to cry while listening to Adele holding their picture, then do it.

· Don’t get offended if someone says “it was a just a pet.” They simply don’t have a heart like you, and that’s what your pet knew you for, so don’t try to change a person’s mind of something that you know yourself is genuine.

· Try to visit their grave and talk to them, people do it with their human friends/family members, so why not your extended fury one? Talking out loud helps in general when grieving.

· As much as it hurts, try to remember the memories that made you smile about your familiar, try to remember the positive, as my friends had told me, Lola would not want me to be sad.

· If you have anything to remember them by, try to arrange the items in a way that won’t be occupying space as it did before, find creative ways to re-display their items as a proper memorabilia, of course when you’re ready to do so.

· It’s OK to cry or weep if you see another dog that looks like yours (or not) on the street, I’ve been dealing with this as well and it’s not easy. But, seeing a person with their pet will be a fair reminder that your familiar had a spectacular life with you as its owner.

· No matter how your familiar left this world, there was no doubt in the love, loyalty and understanding that they had for you and you for them.

They left this world feeling loved. That's something they are eternally grateful for.

#dog #furbaby #animal #pet #familiar #doggo #pupper #lostofalovedone