Biological Clock Shift

Being now in my late 20’s, you tend to render on what your desires were when you were just a wee lass. I myself know that I wanted to be one thing and then another, just as I am today, even as a child my interests and desires changed from time to time after becoming bored. One thing that always stood out was to be a mother. When I was older I always thought more than 2 at least, later when living away from home, I wanted 4. That’s correct, 4 children, preferably boys. Much thought was put into it for a time although I would always have that little “jokingly” tone behind my statement. As in saying in my head, “You don’t want that, common.”

Now that little voice has come forth and I can now say this aloud without care, that I do not want children.

The most common following questions were; “Oh? Why?”, “You’re still young, you have plenty of time.” Or even “What will that bring you?”

Before, I guess for myself among other girls my age, it was hard to react with a sensible and yet stern answer in order to let these people know, “This is my choice.”

I admit I love the “why” question. Why? Why does a man buy a sports car instead of a classical muscle? Why does a woman shop? Why do people go vegan?

The shortest question yet is also partners with either quick or exaggerated answers to explain, “Why?”

I’m not one to start conflict, those who know me well and are or are not reading my blog. I cannot pick a fight for fun; aggressive argumentation is not my style. So with a smile I answer with another question, “Why do you have children?”

By saying this has surprisingly brought a good paused moment in-between the mother and I. Though, my question is not an attack, I wish to hear their reasons as to why they wanted children. Many have been sweet with words filled with unconditional love, good for you, I like mothers like you guys. Some would carry a facial expression of confusion.

Again, no judgement from my end... Whatever the reason may have been, I would take it with kind regard and compliment their reasoning, shortly following with; “I don’t want that.”

Again, some stunned still at my calm yet firm reasoning. My list could go on about why I would rather love, spoil, educate and grow my only self. This however tends to bring some mothers on the defensive side, that initial primal instinct to “mother.” The thought “repopulate” is not far behind that instinct. So, you can imagine it can be difficult to have these conversations from time to time.

There are two types of people really; there are some who desire to “reproduce” and some who simply don’t.

People have their reasons, I have mine and there’s always an occurrence that assures my decision, and it is usually when I am around children. I took up a small babysitting job for the summer, and after leaving them with their parents… I…feel…. Relieved.

Now this doesn’t necessarily mean that I dislike the little chillins, some kids are little shits, we can all admit that and if you don’t, your lying to yourself. However some kids, are just awesome and so full of potential. With my different style, children tend to at first not know how to greet me, and then 5 minutes later they are asking me to come over for dinner haha, it’s quite cute actually.

Just, when I am not around them, I can do….”whatever the fuck I want.”

(I must be sounding like a real bitch haha trust me no harsh tone, I’m actually relaxing to 1940s Cocktail Party music white writing this.) I enjoy my freedom, I enjoy that I can change something without worrying of disrupting something fragile. The only reason why I write this now is because well, it’s hard to talk about it at dinner parties and I’d like to have this written down somewhere. I know I’m not the only person with this acceptance.

It just sucks considering we as a species just need to repopulate, point blank. However now, we are over 7 billion people. That’s a fuck ton. I live right now in Ontario, in 2014-2015; the birth rate was 144,395. It is still growing each year. Now the death rate in Ontario is 100,327, so at least death is a slower rate than birth, Go Canada! Now of course counting in the factor of infant mortality rate per year, 4.9.

So you have 144,390.1 children being born a year, JUST in my province. Soooo I highly doubt that my participation in reproduction is in dire need.

I wish to live my own life how I want it to, and that’s ok. I didn’t need anyone telling me that it was alright to write this entire blog post. (WAKE UP! :P)

My “biological clock” is drifting, to another purpose other than what my primal instinct or as a woman, is expected of me.

But, it’s not for me, end of my story. So if you happen to know anyone who has made this decision for themselves, don’t assume it’s a negative thing, we are all here for a purpose. Different, yet are all the same. To simply live, and I’ll just do that, ...

on my own.