Dealing with EXamples of the Past..
- Jul 16, 2019
- 3 min read
Dealing with your partner's exes Oh boy, here we go, we've ALL been through it in one way or another. That previous person of your partner who seems nice, you give the chance to keep them in your circle out of respect that just because they're an ex, doesn't always mean they're evil right? True, very true. However, we are talking about the exes that no matter how nice they may seem, your gut just cringes and keeps telling you "somethin ain't right yo." Now your partner may not see the signs that you do, because lets face it, they may still care about that ex because of history or whatnot. Sometimes, they are just so damn oblivious because they just don't want to be hated, by anyone, especially their exes. When dealing with your partners ex(es), it's always wise to observe and note certain patterns of behavior. Behaviors may include; when their ex keeps bringing up moments of THEIR past and ignoring you in the room, another would be that they go to visit your partner KNOWING you are not there. Just a few examples mind you, but exes that constantly only want your partners attention and have 0 interest on getting to know you. THESE are huge red flags to which can dictate that they do have a hidden agenda. Sure they could be jealous of you, they may just only care about your partner, but when these people become an ex, it's no longer about them, period. The ex partner has moved on with their current person and it is wise to accept that and move on, it's important to accept the new partner as well. The one thing these types of exes lack is RESPECT, respect that their ex has moved on from them and are happier with their current partner. Respect, that the past is in the past and if they only focus on that, the current partner will be sniffing them out eventually. Communication is absolute key, if your partner is not seeing the same red flags as you, again it's wise to observe and even in some cases document their patterns, to which gives you solid evidence on how behavior from these exes are causing tension between you and your partner as well as not having your relationship and boundaries respected. One thing current partners make the mistake of not using the right choice of words. Saying "I don't like them!" or "I just have this feeling." Is not enough for a healthy discussion. Using terms like "respect", "Us" and "loyalty" are more important to use. Let's use a sentence for an example, let's say your partner is not seeing what you are seeing and are becoming a little emotional because you feel like you're not being heard, you have to choose the right wording. Saying something like, "I have seen these patterns before, and am seeing them again, if they cannot respect our relationship, how can I be certain you are too?"
This does seem harsh, but it leaves a closed answer to your partner, are they being loyal? Do they not want to see the world through your eyes? After all, your mind and soul is what made you attracted to each other right? I can go on with several examples of conversation, but what it really comes down to is choosing the proper terminology that will seem evident that this external force is causing complications with your relationship and that it cannot bloom into a more beautiful and understanding partnership, unless the exes who have hidden agendas are dealt with. Once this is accomplished, your partner can make the boundaries stronger and give proper hints that these exes are no longer welcome.
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