Conflict with Coworkers

Another beautiful day outside, and here I sit indoors writing this blog issue haha. Being very fair skinned has made me not on pleasant terms with the sun, although like Superman is brings us energy, not so much for my case. Today I wanted to write about something we all face from time to time, and that is someone who doesn’t like us for any particular reason, this can be an acquaintance at a party, a colleague or even a family member. In my case, mine was a colleague I had worked with when I was contracted with the UN. I’ll give you a brief outlook of what I had gone through myself. Looking back now, I wish I had the knowledge and understanding to handle the situation better at that time. However, that’s not how life works for many of us; usually we need to endure the crude to gain a sense of wisdom.

When I had worked with this colleague, it was stress free, we got along very well until one day, boom…Suddenly out of nowhere I was her enemy, for reasons to this day I still cannot understand why. The worst case for this was that we were different races, to which the colleague had manipulated the rest of my crew that I was a racist. This bothered me beyond recognition, I didn’t know how to defend myself against them, my character was being dragged through the mud, once she implanted that accusation in their minds, I wasn’t good enough to be tolerated with outings or group activities. This situation got really severe when I was thrown under the bus and demoted to the lower ranking of my workplace, making my colleague the leading role. Once this happened, it went ugly, although still maintaining my calm and collected persona, it was not enough to avoid being treated like gum under her shoe. I recall even trying to talk to her calmly over wine, and even though it seemed fixed between us, the next day it was the same. She was a very dominant person, to whom I was not at that time, this was the biggest difference.

Again, looking back from time to time trying to evaluate the situation, I stumbled upon a post where it was showing the traits of a “BOSS” and a “LEADER.” I observed the post and it hit me. This colleague of mine was the “BOSS” type, where things had to be done her way and only that, she had to be the center of attention as well as constantly needing praise from the other colleagues to boost her ego. Which comes down to the core of this certain kind of person, point blank, they are far more insecure with themselves than I could ever be despite my endless judgmental thoughts of myself. I admit, I did not feed her ego with compliments, how could I after being thrown under the bus and humiliated? This was not the approach I should have taken, what I should have done, which I endured over time having to work with her again several months later was, “kill them with kindness.” If you cannot find common grounds with someone who refuses to be humble, regardless of your efforts, you need to resort to killing them with kindness.

It is certainly easier said than done, believe me; some of you may be shaking your head or even rolling your eyes. However, through etiquette and professionalism, especially in the workplace, it is crucial to keep your nose out of dirty laundry as well as stooping to that person’s level. If you strongly believe you have not done any wrong and have done your best to redeem a stable relationship with a colleague, sometimes it’s just better to just do you, and let them do them. Not necessarily run and hide, but show that they cannot harm you, cannot touch you, and cannot speak your name without having to say it in a nice tone. It can be very difficult to maintain this peace, especially if the bread cannot be broken. My advice to any of you who are dealing with this similar issue, you got to do what to do to do you. Do your best, kill them with kindness, and keep reports on any particular moments where things can turn ugly, just so this way if ever brought to your supervisor; you at least have fact and proof to defend your name.

I did not do this, which made me defenseless against something that was a very touchy subject. To be called a racist, with impulse, I wanted to hurt her for placing such a disgusting accusation upon my character. However again, it was all new to me, never having to deal with a personality such as this, manipulating, egotistical and rude person. With time passed, I can at least say that I am proud for not losing my cool with her, not retaliating with emotion and in a sense; I guess I could thank her. Why? Well, if it wasn’t for meeting this ugly personality, I would not have been prepared for the other one that I encountered in the following year, (a close friend of the spoken colleague, go figure eh?). That time I was prepared, and I kept my name above the mud, simply by following my own advice and advice I had gained from more experience and professional coworkers from that job.